A Christmas Story, AKA: Why I Despise the Average Human

Saturday 15 December 2007 at 11:59 pm

This is a story of a demonstrative little incident that happened to me on Christmas Eve of 2006.

I went to WinCo supermarket on that day, and when I got there I pulled into a parking space next to one of the cart storage racks. Two spaces on the other side was a woman just finishing unloading groceries from a cart; as she finished, she carelessly shoved the cart into the adjacent empty space instead of walking it a few more feet to the rack. As nicely and constructively as I could, I said, "Hey, if you pushed that cart just a few feet more it would free up that space for someone else who might want to use it." Do you know what her reply was, word for word? "Hey, if it's that big a deal to you, buddy, YOU move the fucking thing."

That happened on Christmas Eve, that legendary good-will-toward-all-men peace-on-earth thinking-of-others time. I expect the moral of the story is self-evident, unless in fact you're one of the class of selfish, unethical, moronic humans this story describes.

And you wondered why I describe myself as a Vulcan tourist? Dammit, where did I lose my passport and return ticket? I need to leave this awful place!

Was the Grinch Autistic?

Saturday 01 December 2007 at 10:41 pm I wonder if the dear old Grinch was somewhere on the high-functioning end of the autistic spectrum?  At the beginning of that classic Seuss animated special, we hear the Grinch mourn how much he hates all the noises and sounds - and oh that horrid singing! - that accompanies the Whoville Christmases.  Coincidentally, one of the trademark symptoms of autistic traits is an overpowering fear of loud or distracting noises.  Hmmmm... could it be that the real story of How the Grinch Stole Christmas was actually Why the Grinch Stole Christmas?  Could it be that the Grinch got treated like crap for being different, couldn't get tolerance for his need for quiet, had an uncomfortable life in exile, got bitter and cynical, and then decided to make those intolerant Whos pay for their conformist bigotry?  I wonder....